Book Review: Lean In

In which I review Lean In: Women, Work, and The Will to Lead, by Sheryl Sandberg  

When the book Lean In was published in 2013, I heard a lot of rumors about it.  What struck me most about the rumors at the time was that they were contradictory.  Some said it was an ultra-business super-woman style assault on stay at home moms.  Others said it was terrible for women, that it preached an anti-feminist rhetoric. At the time I was curious, but not curious enough to actually pick up the book. 

After all, I've never considered myself a woman who "lets the man" hold me down, get in my way, or otherwise detract from my success.  From bossing around my little brother, to being the President of a two professional associations, I've never thought of myself as a woman who struggles or even has to try terribly hard to be in a leadership position.  Most of the time I don't even consider the fact that I am a woman - I am just me, and I am good at being in charge.  I didn't need to read Lean In, so I didn't. 

Yet recently, I've noticed some subtle (and not so subtle) ways in which women are not equal to men in various aspects of my life.  Those realizations led me to pick up Lean In.  Typically, I buy business books in hard copy so that I can highlight and easily re-read ponder important passages.  I wasn't ready to make that commitment to such a controversial book yet, so I opted to check out a free audio version from my library, which I listened to - quite ironically - while doing housework.

Throughout Lean In, Sandberg uses stories to make her points.  It's almost like she was trained by Toastmasters - make a point, tell a story, reiterate the point.  Even though I was listening instead of reading, I was able to follow each point and see its value and applicability to my own circumstances. 
And as I listened, I had a few unexpected personal revelations.  Several of the stories and experiences shared in Lean In are ones that I've lived, but never thought about through a gender-based magnifying glass.

In one story that hit particularly home, Sandberg writes about the tendency of women in large meetings to sit not at the table, but at the chairs around the side of the room, which has the effect of reducing our contributions to the discussion at hand.  I realized I did just that only a few weeks ago, my logic at the time being that I was a special guest at the meeting and would leave the seats for those who really belonged there.  During the meeting I was often frustrated by my inability to meaningfully contribute to the conversation taking place at the table, because I had great information to share (the discussion was on a topic on which I was the resident expert), but my self-imposed spot on the sidelines made participation nearly impossible.  

In another story, Sandberg discusses women's tendency to downplay our capabilities and achievements, which is ultimately detrimental to our success.  I had another unexpected realization - just recently, I said no to a speaking opportunity I was offered because I tend to downplay my own capabilities.  Lean In made me pause, think about the person who offered me the engagement (a woman for whom I have the utmost respect), and come to the realization that I should have said yes to that opportunity.  If a woman whose opinion I respect thinks I would be good for this - why didn't I think so too? 

Although a surprise, my ability to relate to so many stories in the book made it a valuable listen for me, much more than I expected since I originally ascribed a value of "free" to it.  In hindsight, I wonder now if my unwillingness to actually spend money on Lean In was part of that subtle gender bias.  I did struggle and ultimately fail to relate to the chapters on children, since I do not, and do not intend to, have them.  But, those chapters offered me a valuable perspective that I can use as I shape the future of my own workplace and interact with my child-bearing sisters.

Overall, Lean In is thought-provoking, engaging, and perspective-shifting.  I fully intend to find an actual hard copy of the book, and give it my usual highlighter / note taking serious business book treatment.